When you consider all those people that you rely on to get things done; clients, colleagues, partners, suppliers, senior leaders, people in other departments, people working in entirely different organisations - many of these people have something interesting in common: you have absolutely no authority over them. You cannot instruct them to trust you. You cannot performance-manage them into sharing information. You cannot mandate enthusiasm, commitment or collaboration. And yet, our ability to deliver often depends upon precisely these things.
We often associate power in organisations with hierarchy, authority and decision-making rights;, however, much of organisational life happens outside these formal structures. Work increasingly moves across functions, organisations and networks, where priorities compete, dependencies multiply and no single person controls the outcome. When authority isn’t available, our ability to create movement depends on something else: influence. Influence begins with relationships, and relationships are where soft power comes into its own.
We often associate power in organisations with hierarchy, authority and decision-making rights;, however, much of organisational life happens outside these formal structures. Work increasingly moves across functions, organisations and networks, where priorities compete, dependencies multiply and no single person controls the outcome. When authority isn’t available, our ability to create movement depends on something else: influence. Influence begins with relationships, and relationships are where soft power comes into its own.
From stakeholder management to stakeholder engagement
Traditional stakeholder approaches give us valuable tools. We map stakeholders according to power and interest. We identify decision-makers. We create communication plans and consider how frequently different groups need to be engaged. But there is a danger in believing that because we have mapped somebody, we understand them.
A stakeholder is not a box on a matrix. They are a person.
Stakeholders bring their own priorities, pressures, experiences, motivations, communication preferences and perceptions of risk. Two stakeholders with almost identical roles and levels of organisational influence may respond completely differently to the same conversation. This is where soft power becomes particularly important. Soft power is sometimes misunderstood as simply being nice, accommodating or avoiding difficult conversations. In fact, it is the ability to create influence through credibility, trust, empathy, relationships and understanding—, and none of those things requires us to surrender our position. Soft power is the behavioural engine of stakeholder engagement: it turns stakeholder mapping and prioritisation into the trust, alignment and cross-functional collaboration that help organisations move faster and deliver better outcomes
Relationships need structure, too
One of the frameworks we use for building exceptional relationships is PEERAS: Position, Engage, Explore, Recommend, Align and Supporting Success. It provides the relational behaviours that make stakeholder mapping, prioritisation and engagement work in practice. What’s interesting about PEERAS through a soft-power lens is that it doesn't begin with the solution.
Position is about presence and trust: understanding the message we convey, recognising different social styles and being willing to modify our behaviour while maintaining an advisory approach. Through a soft-power lens, that raises an important question: ‘How am I showing up in this relationship?’ Before attempting to influence somebody else, we need to understand the experience we create for them. Trust isn't something we can demand through our position or expertise. It is something our behaviour gives another person the safety through which to provide their trust.
Then comes Engage. The focus here is on analysing, profiling and planning to create a great experience and develop trust. This is where stakeholder engagement becomes deliberately human. Preparation shouldn't only tell us what somebody's role is or what we need from them. It should help us approach the relationship with curiosity. Genuine engagement means creating a connection before rushing towards an outcome and listening not because we are waiting for an opportunity to speak, but because we actually want to understand.
Position is about presence and trust: understanding the message we convey, recognising different social styles and being willing to modify our behaviour while maintaining an advisory approach. Through a soft-power lens, that raises an important question: ‘How am I showing up in this relationship?’ Before attempting to influence somebody else, we need to understand the experience we create for them. Trust isn't something we can demand through our position or expertise. It is something our behaviour gives another person the safety through which to provide their trust.
Then comes Engage. The focus here is on analysing, profiling and planning to create a great experience and develop trust. This is where stakeholder engagement becomes deliberately human. Preparation shouldn't only tell us what somebody's role is or what we need from them. It should help us approach the relationship with curiosity. Genuine engagement means creating a connection before rushing towards an outcome and listening not because we are waiting for an opportunity to speak, but because we actually want to understand.
Stakeholder mapping can tell us who matters. Behavioural intelligence helps us understand what matters to them.
That takes us into Explore, where future-focused and critical questions demonstrate understanding and help stakeholders discover their goals. This is perhaps the most interesting stage through a behavioural-intelligence lens because we can understand someone's organisational role without necessarily understanding the human being occupying it.
We might know their objectives, responsibilities and KPIs. We might know where they sit in the hierarchy and even what they need from a particular project. But how do they make decisions? What creates confidence for them? How do they respond to ambiguity? What does challenge look like from their perspective? What might make them disengage?
We might know their objectives, responsibilities and KPIs. We might know where they sit in the hierarchy and even what they need from a particular project. But how do they make decisions? What creates confidence for them? How do they respond to ambiguity? What does challenge look like from their perspective? What might make them disengage?
From understanding to value
The next stages of PEERAS is Recommend, which moves us from understanding towards action. Within PEERAS, this means recommending solutions that achieve the stakeholder's goals and purpose, while making the essential bridge between their needs and their social style. This is where credibility becomes influence.
Then comes Align, which focuses on prioritising activity, delivering a joined-up team service and adopting the appropriate client engagement style. This matters particularly when work crosses functions, organisations and professional boundaries, where silos, competing priorities and interdependencies can slow decisions and delivery. Alignment doesn't require everyone to think the same way. Some of the strongest partnerships contain disagreement, challenge and very different perspectives. The skill lies in finding sufficient common ground to move forward together and ensuring that the stakeholder experiences the organisation as connected rather than fragmented. People who can build bridges are often those most capable of holding different perspectives simultaneously, finding connections and helping people move from competing positions towards shared purpose. This is highly active influence, not merely passive leadership.
Then comes Align, which focuses on prioritising activity, delivering a joined-up team service and adopting the appropriate client engagement style. This matters particularly when work crosses functions, organisations and professional boundaries, where silos, competing priorities and interdependencies can slow decisions and delivery. Alignment doesn't require everyone to think the same way. Some of the strongest partnerships contain disagreement, challenge and very different perspectives. The skill lies in finding sufficient common ground to move forward together and ensuring that the stakeholder experiences the organisation as connected rather than fragmented. People who can build bridges are often those most capable of holding different perspectives simultaneously, finding connections and helping people move from competing positions towards shared purpose. This is highly active influence, not merely passive leadership.
The relationship doesn't end with agreement
Perhaps the best part of PEERAS is its final stage: Supporting Success. This is explicitly about ongoing engagement, including client value reviews and creating opportunities for introductions. Importantly, the relationship doesn't end when somebody says yes.
Too often, stakeholder engagement becomes transactional. We invest heavily in relationships while we need something, then allow them to drift once the project, sale or decision is complete. Exceptional relationships work differently. Supporting someone else's success builds trust beyond the immediate transaction. Trust has a compounding effect: the next conversation becomes easier, information flows more readily, challenge becomes safer, problems surface earlier and collaboration requires less effort. That matters commercially as well as culturally. Relationships built on trust reduce friction, enable quicker decisions and support more effective execution. In turn, organisations are better able to respond to change, create shared value and deliver measurable outcomes for clients, colleagues and partners.
Too often, stakeholder engagement becomes transactional. We invest heavily in relationships while we need something, then allow them to drift once the project, sale or decision is complete. Exceptional relationships work differently. Supporting someone else's success builds trust beyond the immediate transaction. Trust has a compounding effect: the next conversation becomes easier, information flows more readily, challenge becomes safer, problems surface earlier and collaboration requires less effort. That matters commercially as well as culturally. Relationships built on trust reduce friction, enable quicker decisions and support more effective execution. In turn, organisations are better able to respond to change, create shared value and deliver measurable outcomes for clients, colleagues and partners.
Influence is a choice somebody else makes
Perhaps this is why I’m deeply uncomfortable with the language of "stakeholder management". We can manage processes, budgets, projects and risk. But people? Our role isn't to manage stakeholders at all. It’s to create the conditions in which people ‘choose to engage’ with us.
We can understand their world. We can adapt our approach. We can demonstrate credibility. We can build a connection. We can create alignment and continue supporting their success. Ultimately, influence is granted by somebody else. And that may be one of the most important lessons of soft power. The strongest stakeholder relationships don't begin by asking: "How can I influence this person?" They begin with a much better question: How can I understand them?"
We can understand their world. We can adapt our approach. We can demonstrate credibility. We can build a connection. We can create alignment and continue supporting their success. Ultimately, influence is granted by somebody else. And that may be one of the most important lessons of soft power. The strongest stakeholder relationships don't begin by asking: "How can I influence this person?" They begin with a much better question: How can I understand them?"
